Pain pain go away

So Buddy Jolly went and did something really fucking stupid. I jacked up my knee. Bad. Like can't walk anymore bad. Here's the story.

While running I hit a dip in the grass. Instead of my usual graceful face plant, my knee twisted and bent side ways. There were two very painful popping sensations and I was down. Bout an hour later I tried to put my weight down on the leg and felt the weirdest sensation of my life. My knee actually bucked side to side. It's the only way I can explain it.

I've busted my ass more times than I care to recount, but I can swear on your life I've never felt something like that before.

So now I'm confined to my home, actually for the more part to my bed, with a pair of crutches not made for me. They suck. I'm grateful I have them, but it really is a shitty mode of transportation. I'd kill for a Rascal right about now.

Not being able to walk without the aid of crutches is tolerable. I hate it but what are you going to do? What's really killing me is the fear. I don't know what I did. I've been told everything from spraining to tearing my ACL or MCL. If I can't walk in the next day or so I'm going to give in and go to the ER. Since I can't take myself that is my only choice. My mother, the person who will be transporting me about, refuses to take me to a walk in clinic.

The cost is going to kill us. We can barely make ends meet as it is. Now I have to worry about losing the house because I was an idiot and fucked up my leg. I can't tell you how sick that makes me feel. I don't think I've ever felt lower.

And that is why I believe in "socialized medicine." From X-Rays to possible surgery and physical therapy, this could cost all we have. No one should know that kind of fear. Especially for something out of their control like sickness or injury. I don't mean to make this all political but this has been literally the only thing on my mind since I bailed. My first thought was "OMG how am I going to pay for this."

I'm about to lose my damn mind. There isn't even any pain for me to focus on. It's like my injury wants me to think of nothing but the cost. I'd love for some sharp pains just to give me something else to worry about.

The ironic bit is I'm probably going to worry myself right back into the hospital once I finally get treated.

-Not so Buddy Jolly