Site Revamps and New Members!

Florida's Finest is proud to announce two new members! Lilith and Shades have joined Soul Searcher and I in our never ending quest to keep the giggles coming.

I, however, will have to take a bit more of a break from just that ambition because I've stumbled upon a fancy html tutorial that teaches me how to do many things ive always wanted to do on the site. I'll still be writing in my spare time but for a week or two the updates will probably come primarily from my colleagues.

Florida's Finest is about to get bigger and better and I can't wait.

-Buddy Jolly

Solid Snake Facts

Solid Snake never aged. He just painted his hair white. Why you may ask? To make him easier to find. It's more fair that way.*

Solid Snake is father to 5 beautiful baby boxes.*

Solid Snake can choke a man with a cordless phone.*

The first rule of Fight Club was designed to ensure Solid Snake never found out about it. It didn't work.

Solid Snake once had sex with James Woods. It was the manliest, straightest sex the world has ever seen.

Solid Snake does not need to water board to get the information he wants.

The Maury Show is fake. If it were real, every paternity test would end with "You are not the father!" Solid Snake is everyone's daddy.



* Indicates Solid Snake facts provided by Shades. He's mexican. Stereotypically so.

-Buddy Jolly

Buddy Jolly, King of FAIL

This is it. I'm turning myself around. I'm going to throw myself into this site and put some real work in. I've slipped way too far down. This is my dream and I'm blessed enough to be living it. I'll be damned if I'm going to let that slip.

So I'm putting myself on notice. I'm calling myself out. I change today.

And with my change, the site is in for some changes. Soon we will officially have a third member. She's always been a member but she hasn't joined up yet. She's been putting far too much thought into her character. When a person puts more thought into their persona than the founder puts into his articles, something isn't right.

Also, when I finish the articles I've been working on, I'm adding a Florida's Finest Lists section. I know everyone does them but they're fun, simple, and can sometimes be quite funny. The site is ever evolving and I want to try everything. Never know what will stick.

-Buddy Jolly

Sightings

I'm very accustomed to seeing planes flying near my house. There are several nearby airports so I've seen everything from military jets to personal 2 seat planes. I can identify planes by sound and depending on how frequently they pass I can tell what time it is. But two nights ago I saw something I've never seen before and simply can't explain.

I was looking out the window watching cars pass and wondering how many of the people in them were sexually depraved (Its a hobby of mine) when I noticed a set of flashing green lights in the sky. They blinked at regular intervals so naturally I assumed "plane." But the craft didn't have the constant, solid, white nose and tail lights planes have. So when the lights flashed off, it was essentially invisible.

Then I noticed something very strange. Between flashes it seemed to jump oddly. From one flash to another, it would move only a small amount to the west, but by the next flash, it was much further away. The follownig flash showed a progression of a short distance, followed by another long stretch. It repeated this pattern only two or three times before my view became blocked by some trees.

As the night progressed I watched multiple planes make their way across the sky and each one strengthened my certainty. I truly believe I saw a UFO. The lights and travel pattern are like nothing I've ever seen before in either commercial or military aircraft.

Not before, not during, and not after the sighting were there any sounds to attach to the craft. Later that evening I saw a plane pass that was much farther away and I was able to hear it just fine.

I definitely don't think it was the Aurora as I don't believe a pulsating engine could account for that type of travel pattern. Every supposed satellite image of the Aurora's trail shows exhaust bursts evenly spaced. Also, every reported sighting of the craft is accompanied by a sonic boom. There is just no way to silence a plane like that, especially at an altitude at which its actually visible.

I've waited almost all my life to see a UFO. I used to watch Sightings with my father every week. I still have a few tapes somewhere. But until a few nights ago I was skeptical and dismissive about each sighting I potentially made. For a believer in the paranormal and extraterrestrial, I'm quite skeptical when I witness things myself.

But this time I'm sure. I've finally gotten my wish. I've seen a UFO!

-Buddy Jolly

You'd Think...

You'd think that being injured and unable to leave the house would culminate in an insane amount of updates, wouldn't you? Well apparently not.

I'm incredibly disappointment in myself. I'm sitting on so many ideas and all I've managed was one paragraph of one idea. I could just say I've been busy but we all know that's a huge lie. T.V. just isn't that fascinating.

Honestly I haven't been in the mood to be funny. My knee only seems to be getting worse and my hardXcore crutch skills aren't fairing any better. No one should be this god awful at hobbling.

I have done some writing. I've done about 8 Plinky prompts in 2 days, but that's because most of the work is done for you. It's like taking a survey. You should definitely check out Plinky.com. It's a great time waster. Look me up on there and show me some love. Buddy Jolly could use the smiles.

Now I'm off to try and be productive. At least as productive as one can be while blogging.

I finished all my cheetohs. :(

-Buddy Jolly

Pain pain go away

So Buddy Jolly went and did something really fucking stupid. I jacked up my knee. Bad. Like can't walk anymore bad. Here's the story.

While running I hit a dip in the grass. Instead of my usual graceful face plant, my knee twisted and bent side ways. There were two very painful popping sensations and I was down. Bout an hour later I tried to put my weight down on the leg and felt the weirdest sensation of my life. My knee actually bucked side to side. It's the only way I can explain it.

I've busted my ass more times than I care to recount, but I can swear on your life I've never felt something like that before.

So now I'm confined to my home, actually for the more part to my bed, with a pair of crutches not made for me. They suck. I'm grateful I have them, but it really is a shitty mode of transportation. I'd kill for a Rascal right about now.

Not being able to walk without the aid of crutches is tolerable. I hate it but what are you going to do? What's really killing me is the fear. I don't know what I did. I've been told everything from spraining to tearing my ACL or MCL. If I can't walk in the next day or so I'm going to give in and go to the ER. Since I can't take myself that is my only choice. My mother, the person who will be transporting me about, refuses to take me to a walk in clinic.

The cost is going to kill us. We can barely make ends meet as it is. Now I have to worry about losing the house because I was an idiot and fucked up my leg. I can't tell you how sick that makes me feel. I don't think I've ever felt lower.

And that is why I believe in "socialized medicine." From X-Rays to possible surgery and physical therapy, this could cost all we have. No one should know that kind of fear. Especially for something out of their control like sickness or injury. I don't mean to make this all political but this has been literally the only thing on my mind since I bailed. My first thought was "OMG how am I going to pay for this."

I'm about to lose my damn mind. There isn't even any pain for me to focus on. It's like my injury wants me to think of nothing but the cost. I'd love for some sharp pains just to give me something else to worry about.

The ironic bit is I'm probably going to worry myself right back into the hospital once I finally get treated.

-Not so Buddy Jolly

Bored

Have you ever been so damned bored that you were too bored to even attempt to do anything that might stop you from being bored? That's about the way I am right now. It's a friggin miracle that I'm even typing this into here I'm so bored. As a matter of fact I may be so bored that'll I'll type it all then delete it out of my boredom if I don't finish typing and hit post first.

In case anyone missed it, I am seriously fucking bored. I mean the type of boredom that could be diagnosed as clinically depressed if I wasn't too bored to even see a therapist. The watching ants eat a piece of candy for excitement type of bored.

I'm really, really bored here.

No real point to any of this and not really looking for help or advice to not be bored. Just felt like sharing my boredom even though I'm sure only someone equally as bored would even consider reading the whole thing anyway.

Okay, a new level. After that last sentence I caught myself counting the hairs on the back of my hand for something to do. See even typing this can't even keep my attention enough to keep me from being bored. Honestly I'm too bored to even post this at all.

Maybe I'll boringly flip a coin to see if I should post it or not. Hold on a sec.......................Well I guess I'll post then. Came up heads 5 out of 9 times and I'm too bored to go for 6 out of 11.

If anyone hangs themselves after reading this I am not responsible for the methods you use to relieve your own boredom.

Confession.

The smell of Miracle Whip makes me happy. Is that weird?

Stress in the workplace.

I could have never guessed just how stressful putting up your own, albeit highly improvised, website could be. Sure its just a series of connected blogs which are largely automatically created but my god its tricky.

Admittedly, most of the stress comes more from my computer than the site. You see, poverty has limited me to 56K internet and a lifetime of piracy and porn has torn my computer asunder. Just about every click renders my comp motionless for a minimum of a minute. Often times selecting a new tool in my photo editor leaves me staring at a white screen and fighting the urge to cry.

I've broken more things in the week or so this site has been up than I have in 21 years of clumsy existence.

But I'll be damned if I'm going to quit. I don't care that 1 blog takes an entire days of work at best and that I'm actually not that funny. This is my dream. I've wanted to do this since my first trip through the intertubes.

I will keep Florida's Finest going until I die. Which at this rate will probably be in a couple of weeks.

With love, Buddy Jolly.